David Fisco

Synonymical Updated

2011-05-02T00:21:00.004-04:00

Words added:

mendicant
shorn

Play Synonymical: http://synonymical.davidfisco.com/

New Dave's Choice Words Posted

2011-04-27T00:13:00.000-04:00

Exercise #163: http://www.davidfisco.com/?q=node/28&ex=163

New Foodie Experiment

2011-04-14T01:18:00.001-04:00

Canola oil and white cake: http://www.davidfisco.com/node/201

Reading List Updated

2011-04-13T23:34:00.001-04:00

I finished reading David Mamet's On Directing Film.

Through transcripts from a film course David Mamet taught at Columbia University, the famous playwright identifies his technique for creating film: the juxtaposition of uninflected images that create a story in the viewer's mind. With a profound distaste for contemporary American film making, which he identifies as little more than just following the protagonist around with the camera, Mamet provides the reader with a technique for crafting films from their smallest unit, the shot. Heavily focused on pre-production, to the point that the director's time spent on the set is almost redundant, the technique relies on making simple, reductionist choices with respect to the protagonist's super-objective to determine the series of images that will become the film.

Mamet provides an iconoclastic (but true) vision of good film making, rejecting the work of many actors as poorly trained and misguided performers and dismissing social activism in movies, claiming that the best directors tell a good story, nothing more.

Junk English Update

2011-04-10T01:29:00.001-04:00

A short article on optimizing some junk English I found in a PBS newsletter: http://www.davidfisco.com/node/200

Synonymical Updated

2011-04-05T20:04:00.001-04:00

Words added:

iniquity
inequity
alembic
atelier

Play at http://synonymical.davidfisco.com/

New Dave's Choice Words Posted

2011-04-04T03:21:00.000-04:00

Exercise #162: http://www.davidfisco.com/?q=node/28&ex=162

‘Twas The Night Before A Primary...

2008-01-01T12:17:00.000-05:00

‘Twas the night before a primary and all through the land
Not a true Conservative was running; none was on hand.
All the voting booths were prepped with delicate care
For torrents of Republicans who might not be there.

The Democrats were nestled all smug in their beds,
While visions of Hillary’s collectivism danced in their heads.
I finished reading Coulter’s latest column then turned on TV
And settled myself down for a night of reverie,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I switched off Fox News to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
I tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the specter of President Reagan, strong and clear.
With a glimmer in his eye and a step without slack
I knew that the Father of Modern Conservatism was back!
“Why so grim, sullen one?” the former president said.
To which I replied, “Visions of gloom dance in my head.
The party you held dear is so terribly off track,
In a time when at any moment the country could be under attack.
David Vitter’s in a whorehouse; Larry Craig, a bathroom stall,
Schwarzenegger’s talking ‘global warming,’ faux Conservatives, all!
Mitt Romney tries to resemble you, right down to the hair
But when it comes to taxes and social issues, who can say what’s really there?
Giuliani treats his wives in a way that’s rather crass
And Huckabee seems to say, ‘Limited government? My ass!’
Ron Paul is a nut who has earned the title of RINO...
What are we to do? The primary is tomorrow!”

“Enough of your pessimism,” the Gipper shot with a snap.
“A negative state of mind is a self-imposed booby trap.
Never judge a political philosophy by any one actor
Such assessment is the stock-and-trade of a brainless detractor.
Things could be better...well, that’s always true:
Concentrate not on your worst fears, but on what America can do.
Saddam is a goner, the surge makes victory there for the taking,
And in General Petraeus, the country has a president in the making.
While you must endure Pelosi and her incessant claptrap
At least Cynthia McKinney is gone, and I doubt she’s coming back.
Prominent Democrats are on the record maligning our troops
Ultimately this will destroy the Libs, Kerry proved most voters aren’t dupes.
In droves, Americans have turned off CNN
And from Fox News they get their information time and again.

“So be not depressed by the current state of Conservatism:
The strongest period of nationalism follows the most intransigent schism.”

And laying a finger aside of his nose,
The president gave me a nod and my spirit rose.
But I heard Reagan say, as he faded from sight,
“Keep listening to Rush Limbaugh, and all will be Right.”

Does Bill O’Reilly need more Catholic education?

2006-12-06T13:29:00.003-05:00

On the 1 December 2005 broadcast of Fox News’ The O’Reilly Factor, host Bill O’Reilly provided commentary on Michele McCusker, a former preschool teacher at St. Rose Catholic School in Queens, New York. Ms. McCusker was fired for becoming pregnant out of wedlock. Mr. O’Reilly said:

…[L]ast week, an editorial appeared in The Tampa Tribune entitled [sic] about the situation entitled, “So What Would Jesus Do?” The opinion piece ended this way. “It’s hard to imagine that Jesus would want this woman fired. After all, his own mother once found herself pregnant and unmarried.”
His own mother found herself pregnant and unmarried? Can you believe that newspaper? As everybody knows, Catholic theology states that Mary was a virgin and Jesus was the product of an immaculate conception. That’s basic Christian belief. The Tampa Tribune knows that, but printed a fallacious comparison to make an editorial point.

Mr. O’Reilly—who frequently boasts of his Catholicism—needs to brush up on his catechism. As every good Catholic knows, the Immaculate Conception does not refer to the birth of Jesus. The Roman Catholic Church teaches that the Immaculate Conception was the conception of Mary, who was the result of normal sexual intercourse. Unlike other people, however, Mary was conceived without Original Sin. Because Mary was born without that stain, the Church teaches, Mary was able to provide the vessel for the creation of Jesus Christ.

Mr. O’Reilly was referring to the Virgin Birth, an orthodox Christian and Muslim concept that Jesus was conceived miraculously, without sexual intercourse. (Some Gnostic Christians have a different interpretation of Christ’s conception, but they are not Catholics.) Sometimes the Virgin Birth is called the “Miraculous Conception,” but never—at least by those who know their Catholicism—as the Immaculate Conception.

Perhaps the 56 year-old O’Reilly needs to return to religious school. He could sit in a classroom with teenagers learning the basics of Catholic doctrine.
Wouldn’t that be ridiculous?

Anderson Cooper: “I’m So Dysfunctional…Look At Me!”

2006-06-29T09:57:00.005-04:00

In an interview with Anderson Cooper on 12 October 2005, Oprah Winfrey referred to Cooper as a “star reporter” of CNN. Shooting Oprah a prepubescent grin, Cooper demurely held his thumb and forefinger a quarter inch apart and mumbled “small….” Evinced by Anderson’s verbal ejaculations on his show Anderson Cooper 360, we can be sure Cooper wasn’t referring to his ego. For example, in May 2005 the show treated viewers to Anderson’s navel-gazing in this banter with CNN’s Erica Hill:

COOPER: Joining me right now from HEADLINE NEWS is Erica Hill. Hey, Erica.

ERICA HILL, CNN HEADLINE NEWS ANCHOR: Nice to see you in person.

COOPER: I know, it’s — I think it’s first we’ve actually really met.

HILL: I think it really is.

COOPER: I’m all aquiver.

HILL: Well, you know, I was getting excited myself. My mom may have been even more excited, yes.

COOPER: Well, that’s…

HILL: She’s a big Anderson fan, so — but I’ll get to your headlines. We’ll deal with pleasantries later.

COOPER: We call them Ander-fans, by the way.

HILL: Ander-fans. I’ll pass that on. Meantime, for all your news-fans out there….

Thanks so much for the new word, Anderson.

Six days after Oprah’s encomium, Anderson showed up on The Late Show with David Letterman for a little chin-wag. The conversation turned to Cooper’s mother, professional sexual profligate Gloria Vanderbilt. Anderson admitted that he always knew his mother “had a past”—not to mention a colorful present—and his suspicions were confirmed when Gloria “forced” her son to vet the manuscript of her latest book. This book, published by Simon & Schuster as It Seemed Important at the Time: A Romance Memoir, regales its readers with stunning revelations about activities involving Mother Vanderbilt’s clitoris. Thankfully, Sexual Revelation Compulsion Disorder does not appear to be genetic. Outside of writing “essays” involving premature ejaculation, Anderson doesn’t publicly discuss his sexual activities. At least not until CNN goes out of business. But if I were to wander around the CNN studios and recover Cooper’s lost cell phone, I wouldn’t be surprised to find the number of a Simon & Schuster acquisition editor programmed into it, ready for when that day comes.

Anderson’s cell phone would also have an interesting list of friends. In a recent CNN story about crystal meth, Anderson ejaculated:

…in New York City, I mean, I have a number of friends actually who have started using [crystal meth] and their lives have been complete [sic] destroyed. Two people in particular who have held jobs, and a lot of people who started, have jobs, and it makes them feel more efficient at work, but it very quickly — in these two people’s case, I mean, I’ve lost contact with them. Their lives are destroyed. They’ve like lost their jobs, their apartments, everything.

Well, if Anderson’s remaining friends are cognizant, they must be happy to have him back in Manhattan so soon. Didn’t a lachrymose Cooper tell Jonathan Van Meter of New York magazine that he “[couldn’t] imagine leaving” New Orleans? Anderson even threw in a couple of lines about his dead father, just in case he wasn’t being dramatic enough. From the way Cooper was talking—that is, when he wasn’t crying—one could assume he had called his New York real estate agent, sold his Manhattan condo and found a flat in the French Quarter. Anderson would be doing his 360 show from Bourbon Street, decked out in a red cape with a giant “A” on his chest. (Although I’m sure a CNN exec insisted that the company logo be silk screened under the letter.)

One wonders what goes on in the minds of CNN executives, those responsible for making Anderson into the “star” Oprah speaks of. CNN’s current mission statement must read something like this:

Anderson’s mother is a trollop. Anderson’s friends are on crystal meth. Anderson likes to write stupid articles about premature ejaculation. Anderson loves to cry. Anderson doesn’t know which city he should be in. Let’s make Anderson a star!

No wonder Fox News has trounced these guys.

Falwell Speech

2005-09-04T14:09:00.000-04:00

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, Dr. Jerry Falwell hired me to write a speech he will deliver next week. Dr. Falwell will speak from his office at Liberty University, and FOX News will televise it live during Hannity & Colmes. (Liberty University has invited CNN and MSNBC to pick up the broadcast, but as far as I know, they have not responded.) Because this is such an important speech, I’m asking you to take a look and provide any feedback you can. Thanks for any advice!

My brothers and sisters in Christ: I speak to you today with a heavy heart, full of sadness for the tragedy that has befallen New Orleans. As you know, my dear Christian brethren, I usually blame national catastrophes on the filthy Satan-worshipers who live among us: the adulterers, the Pagans, the feminists, the homosexuals…but in this case, I don’t believe it was the fault of Mary Cheney and her pants-wearing girlfriends. No, the true fault here—and it saddens me greatly to have to say this—the true fault rests on the shoulders of none other than President George W. Bush himself. [slight sniffle, pause, wipe nose]
While I applaud President Bush for evacuating the good, prosperous New Orleans Christians—and a handful of our Jewish friends we hope to one day convert to Christianity, I point my finger at the president for sending in the troops and forcing them to rescue those welfare-collecting sponges of New Orleans’ society. Where is that radical Right-winger we worked so hard to elect to a second term? What has become of his ability to communicate directly with God? Everyone knows that Karl Rove programmed God’s direct number into George Bush’s cellphone. [Look profoundly into camera; address Bush directly. Perhaps shake a finger.] Well, I have a bit of advice for you, Mr. President: Pay careful attention to how many bars your cellphone has before you call our Lord; the signal was obviously weak when the Two of you discussed Hurricane Katrina. Didn’t our Lord tell you that this time he was taking a page from the Old Testament? Have you, sir, been remiss in your study of Genesis? Do you not remember Noah’s Flood? Sodom? Gomorrah? Mr. President, our Lord was attempting, in one fell swoop, to eradicate some of the lowest elements of New Orleans’ society: those who vote for Democrats…the chronically unemployed…the women who flagrantly exhibit the sin of Eve and breed out of wedlock…and the reprobate Negro men who rape those women, beat them, and pimp them out, all while unable to speak three words of proper English. The only thing you needed to do, Mr. President, was extend your vacation for a week or two…just lay low…and allow God’s Will to be done. They would have starved to death. But no, like that Satan-worshiping adulterer Bill Clinton, you had to “rise to the occasion” and give Jimmy Carter tens of thousands—if not hundreds of thousands—of miscreants to build new houses for! When the Lord acts in an Old Testament manner, Mr. President, He doesn’t expect you to go New Testament on Him. If you didn’t feel like hanging out at the ranch with Laura for another two weeks, you could have telephoned me and I would have arranged a long prayer retreat for you at Liberty University: no telephone, no email, no faxes and no pesky Karl Rove urging you to “take action.” It saddens me to have to inform you, Mr. President, that the eternal lake of fire awaits you. Yes, President Bush, as it stands now, you’ll be down there burning with the likes of Jeffrey Dahmer and Marilyn Monroe—who we now know embraced the sin of lesbianism whenever she wasn’t bedding down with one of the Kennedy brothers. (At least Jack, Bobby, Marilyn and that Communist Arthur Miller have been reunited.)
But always remember that our Lord is a most benevolent Lord. On the evening of September 3rd, He provided you with an opportunity to redeem yourself, Mr. Bush. If you replace Supreme Court Justice William Rehnquist with that brilliant Conservative attorney Miss Ann Coulter, all will be forgiven and on your day of judgment, the trumpets of Heaven will welcome you to eternal Paradise.
The Lord works in strange and mysterious ways. God bless America.