‘Twas The Night Before A Primary...

01 Jan 2008


‘Twas the night before a primary and all through the land
Not a true Conservative was running; none was on hand.
All the voting booths were prepped with delicate care
For torrents of Republicans who might not be there.
The Democrats were nestled all smug in their beds,
While visions of Hillary’s collectivism danced in their heads.
I finished reading Coulter’s latest column then turned on TV
And settled myself down for a night of reverie,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I switched off Fox News to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
I tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the specter of President Reagan, strong and clear.
With a glimmer in his eye and a step without slack
I knew that the Father of Modern Conservatism was back!
“Why so grim, sullen one?” the former president said.
To which I replied, “Visions of gloom dance in my head.
The party you held dear is so terribly off track,
In a time when at any moment the country could be under attack.
David Vitter’s in a whorehouse; Larry Craig, a bathroom stall,
Schwarzenegger’s talking ‘global warming,’ faux Conservatives, all!
Mitt Romney tries to resemble you, right down to the hair
But when it comes to taxes and social issues, who can say what’s really there?
Giuliani treats his wives in a way that’s rather crass
And Huckabee seems to say, ‘Limited government? My ass!’
Ron Paul is a nut who has earned the title of RINO...
What are we to do? The primary is tomorrow!”
“Enough of your pessimism,” the Gipper shot with a snap.
“A negative state of mind is a self-imposed booby trap.
Never judge a political philosophy by any one actor
Such assessment is the stock-and-trade of a brainless detractor.
Things could be better...well, that’s always true:
Concentrate not on your worst fears, but on what America can do.
Saddam is a goner, the surge makes victory there for the taking,
And in General Petraeus, the country has a president in the making.
While you must endure Pelosi and her incessant claptrap
At least Cynthia McKinney is gone, and I doubt she’s coming back.
Prominent Democrats are on the record maligning our troops
Ultimately this will destroy the Libs, Kerry proved most voters aren’t dupes.
In droves, Americans have turned off CNN
And from Fox News they get their information time and again.
“So be not depressed by the current state of Conservatism:
The strongest period of nationalism follows the most intransigent schism.”
And laying a finger aside of his nose,
The president gave me a nod and my spirit rose.
But I heard Reagan say, as he faded from sight,
“Keep listening to Rush Limbaugh, and all will be Right.”